zilki

I went home at lunch today, like I do a lot of days in the winter (it is so nice) and I packed myself a gym bag and put it in my truck.  I told myself I would try the gym today and I know that if I go home I may work out, but I won’t go to the gym.  Partially cause the gym scares me, partially cause I am lazy, and partially cause I feel guilty getting home from work, feeding the dog and then leaving again.  I am his only companion and hate teasing him like that.  I know they are not good reasons, but still . . . I know me and know what I would do.  Anyway, so I packed a bad with clothes, my ipod, and a book and a water bottle so I should be all set.  I’m a little nervous about this, not sure why, I used to go to the gym all the time, but still.  I will let ya’ll know how it goes.

I was talking to a co-worker of mine yesterday about my diet/exercise efforts and what all I was doing.  This is the only other person in my office who watches what he eats and trys to exercise every day which is why I am willing to talk to him about it.  Anyway, he suggested I try his gym, it is local and close to the office and not expensive and best yet, not trendy.  He went last night and picked me up a free one week guest membership so that I could try it out.

I have had a gym membership before and I liked it, I like the machines and all the free weights.  I don’t like the trendiness of a lot of gyms.  I am there to really work, and don’t like being surrounded by people who are there as though it is a singles bar.  It makes me very self concious and I end up not wanting to go.  But, it sounds like this one is different.

So, I think I am gonna give it a try.  My new week of my family challenge starts tomorrow.  So I think that I will go home tonight and do what I have been doing and then maybe start the guest membership tomorrow and see how I like it for the next week.  I’ll let ya’ll know if I end up joining.  Could be fun, I could start my couch to 5K program sooner which could be nice.  Hmm . . . lots to concider.

Do you ever feel like some days the people around you don’t really want you to better yourself?  I don’t think that it is intentional, but there are days when I think the people around me try to sabotage me.  One of my best girlfriends knows what I am doing and everytime we are together she brings sweets for me, or suggests a burger joint for dinner, or makes food I shouldn’t eat at her house.  She is a girl who works out everyday, but isn’t really skinny, but not really heavy either.  She runs marathons every year so she figures if she works out every day she can eat anything and she trys to tell me it is the same for me.  But some days I don’t think that she realizes that she is just trying to maintain her weight, I am trying to lose weight so I have to work out every day AND watch what I eat.  Uhg . . . she just doesn’t get it and it makes things tough.  Then you have the guy that I work with who exercises every day and watches what he eats very carefully but always brings sweets into work.  He brough in a pound cake today and walked into my office and put a slice on my desk.  If he leaves it in the kitchen I can avoid it, but I feel guilty if he hands it to me and I don’t eat it, I’d feel like I was offending him.  Ugh . . . I know I have a lot of support, but some days I just wish that the people around me could really just understand what I am trying to do and how hard it is.  Grrr . . . sorry to vent. 

And I don’t mean from the outside . . . so yesterday I saved up my points knowing that I was going to dinner with one of my girlfriends.  I had 19 points left which meant that I didn’t necessarily need to order off the diet menu, I figured I would let myself indulge a little bit.  So i ordered this yummy wrap that came with really good fries.  I knew what I was getting and I had saved up for it, so it was all good.  I knew I could eat this thing.  I was full 3/4 of the way through the wrap and 1/2 way through the fries.  There was no way I could eat the rest.  My girlfriend was a little surprised.  But I guess that this is what comes from consistently eating smaller portions and more often.  So I let the waiter take my plate away and when I got home a few hours later I still had two points left for my skinny cow.  It was awesome!!

Yesterday I blogged about having this huge urge to binge as a way to deal with my frustration.  Well I am pround to announce that I sucessfully resisted that urge and came home and worked out tons instead.  I felt much better.

I did pretty good at getting my workout in this morning and then going grocery shopping.  Then I had planned to come home and clean my house and to get in another workout.  Well so far I am slacking . . . I got a little distracted by the arrival of my new laptop.  I got home from the grocery store and there it was on my doorstep.  Two hours later I am still getting it all set up and moving files from one computer to another.  I could do this all night.  I’ll get off eventually I promise and fit in that additional workout, I  need to cause tomorrow is my rest day so I want to push it really hard today.

I can’t seem to help getting overly frustrated with people and things going on today.  I planned for it and ordered Jimmy John’s with the girls for lunch.  Minus the part where it took over an hour to get here so I was starving they sent me a small coke instead of the large diet coke that I ordered.  We called about the issues with our order and they said they couldn’t do anything . . . so now, combined with my pms, I am just angry.

Then I had to go to the bank where due to their mistake I haven’t had a debit card for almost three weeks.  Killing me by the way folks . . . they told me I have to wait till next Wednesday and if I still don’t have it they’ll cancel that order and hopefully be able to express me another one.  Gee thanks . . .

Ok, I know these are small things right . . . but today . . . I could just kill someone.  I found myself leaving the bank and thinking that I needed to stop by walgreens for some candy, I  just want to binge today and I haven’t had a binge day in a long time.  So far I have resisted that urge.  I came straight back here to the office and started writing this blog.  Hopefully in the next couple hours before I go home I can continue to resist and then go home and get my stress out with a good workout.

Ugh . . .

Yesterday was a long one for me . . . I was at a trade show for work all day, so sorry I wasn’t on here checking blogs :(.  But I spent all day walking this show and talking to my vendors (which might I add is totally exhausting).  Which means I had to eat out for lunch and didn’t get to drink water all day (since it costs $5 a bottle at the show and that is just nuts).  I did make the best selection I could find on lunch which was a chicken ceasar salad wrap.  I have gotten so accustomed to getting to go home for lunch and being able to have complete control over what I eat so this was tough for me.  But I got home and worked it out and the wrap was 10 points, not good, but not bad for eating out.

The problem was that when I got home I was so exhausted that I didn’t work out.  I was feeling bloated and crampy and tired so I rationalized.  This is the first day in two weeks that I didn’t workout when I was supposed to.  I feel pretty guilty about it today, but I have told myself that I am really gonna push it tonight to try to make up for it.

But it wasn’t all bad, I stayed within my points and I guess I get some credit for walking around all day.

But, on a positive note, I saw a couple old co-workers at this show that I have known for years and when I ran into each of them they both kept looking me up and down and telling me how great I looked :).  Always a happy moment :).  I know no one really notices a 16 lb loss on a girl my size, but they did notice that something was different and it was good.

So I put on one of the few pairs of jeans that actually have fit me for the past few months and they were fresh out of the dryer which usually  means tight.  Well not today.  They were loose.  In just the time it took me to dry my hair they were starting to fall off.  I had to go to my closet and dig out my belts, and not as a fashion accessory, but to hold up my pants.  Can’t have those suckers falling down at work!

In other news, one of my best girlfriends came over last night after texting me all day about how she feels like she is gaining weight and hates it, so I told her to join me on my plan.  She said she would and she came over last night to actually talk about it for real.  I am so excited!!  I showed her BS too and sent her an invite so hopefully she will be joining us soon.  Anyway, I already have you guys, my family, and now I have one of the people I spend the most time with joining me on the journey.  With all that support how can I fail??  This is so awesome!!  Just had to share.

Have a good day everyone!!

I had to share . . . ususally I have one or two little victories per week, but this morning I had 3!!  I’m so psyched!!

 1. I actually got up early and did a full 45 min. cardio workout this morning.  I have been trying to accomplish that for 3 weeks now and this morning I finally did it.

2. I am wearing a pair of jeans that hasn’t fit me in over a year!!  And I look pretty good in them if I do say so myself.

3. Some of you may not understand this one.  But I have these three bras that I bought forever ago that I really love, but I grew out of them right after I bought them.  I am wearing one today.  Part of my weight loss goal is to go down a couple cup sizes and it looks like I am down about 1/2 of one cause this bra fits again.

 Anyway . . . made for a very happy Tuesday morning.

As I am sitting at my computer this evening reading blogs and checking in on some buddies I am eating my new favorite treat.  I love sweets and have a sweet tooth that I can’t really deny for too long.  But I have discovered something that I love, is “good” for me, and satisfys that sweet tooth.

I’m doing weight watchers as a way to try to form healthy eating habits and control my food intake and I really like it so far.  But as a part of weight watchers I am supposed to have my three servings of dairy a day, along with some other things.  But I don’t really like milk.  I get my dairy from milk in my ceral, yogurt, cottage cheese, etc.  But I have discovered  a treat that gets me one of those servings of milk and is dessert.

My new love is instant sugar-free chocolate pudding.  One cup of it counts as a milk serving, only costs me three points, and totally satisfys the urge to chow down on something sweet.

Thought I’d share . . . have a good night ya’ll!