zilki

I spend ridiculous amounts of time on here every day reading blogs (sorry for all those that I don’t get to) and keeping up in my select forums and messaging back and forth with buddies and I just have to tell all of you that without this place I would be going  nuts.

Yesterday was my weigh-in day with my family.  I was down 1.5 lbs.  My sister posted results on our blog along with graphs of how we are all doing.  Well she did an individualbar graph to show where we are all at in relation to our final goals.  I have made the least amount of progress according to her charts.  And it killed me.  Granted, I know I lost my first 10lbs before my family thing started so I am really further along overall and the fist 10-15 are the easiest and I am working my way through a little platuea right now.  So I know I am doing well, but it just didn’t look that way which was a little depressing.  On the onther hand my family is doing awesome.  My little brother who is in college lost 22 lbs this month.  I don’t know how you lose 20 lbs as a guy in college, but he is doing it and I am so proud of him and the rest of them.

But I couldn’t help but feel a little disheartened yesterday.  I know I work out harder and more than any of them, I have been perfect with my points and calorie intake and I was just hoping that it would show more (my family is very competitive so I really hate being in last place with all of them).

But I logged onto here and felt so much better.  I know my 1.5lbs is good, especially where my work out routine is changing and I am building a lot of muscle ( I know cause I can feel it).  I just had to remind myself of all the times I contratulated people on their 1 lb losses and take my own advice.

So just a real quick thanks to all of you for keeping me sane.

Quick recap for those who don’t know what is going on with me with my weight loss goals, I started on my own at the begining of December, then while I was home with my family for Christmas my family (most of us are heavy) decided that we would do this together.  We would do weight watchers (cause it worked for my mom and dad before, they just have put some of the weight back on).  So we set up a family challenge, blog and all, we are keeping it private cause it makes it easier to share with eachother knowing the extended family isn’t looking in.  I am so proud of them, they are all doing so well and sticking to it, in fact I am the one who has lost the least amount of weight.  Granted I lost my first easy 10 in December and I weigh less than most of them, but still.

Anyway, I blog on here almost every day because it helps me, it keeps this goal on my mind at all times and keeps me from giving into temptation.  My family on the other hand not really the bogging type.  I am trying to work on that.  Anyway, I do a lot of dual blogs both on here and my family blog.  Well anyway, I posted a blog about my weekend on my family blog and got an email from my mom about it yesterday.  Once again, background info: my mom and her best friend have been walking and doing weight watchers together forever.  Her friend is an aerobics instructor and just a very motivational type of person.  Anyway, my mom shared with her a couple of blogs that I had posted that she really liked.  Well she sent me an email yesterday telling me that Diana (her friend) wanted to share these posts with her overweight daughters and an emotional eating support group that she attends.  She wanted to ask my persmission cause the blog wasn’t really meant to be shared in the first place.  I don’t care if she shares them, it is just my thoughts rambling on and if she thinks it will help other people great.

Anyway, what was really strange for me about this was for my mom and Diana to tell me that I was inspiring.  I have always looked at them and wished that I could do what they did, wish that I could stick to something like they did.  I wanted to be more like them.  Felt strange to have them say that to me, but it felt good.  I didn’t think that I could inspire people until I had lost real significant weight, I mean I have lost 19 lbs, but I still have 67 to go.  Still so far from my goal.  But I am realizing that it doesn’t matter if you have lost 1 lb or 100 your words and example can still inspire those around you to make themselves better.  So I am not just doing this for myself, I am doing it for everyone within my sphere of influance that could use some help.

Still though . . . my mom is my real inspiration . . . she is amazing.

Do I sound crazy yet?

For some reason I am extra excited about life today . . . don’t ask me why, not sure I can come up with a real answer.

Anyway, sorry I wasn’t around much this weekend, I have really missed reading all your blogs.  I did spend some time on here, but not as much as I would have liked.  It was a busy weekend for some reason.  But it was a productive weekend.

I got my friend that I am trying to work with to go to the gym with me on Saturday and I made her stay and do more than she had planned cause I had to do my 65 min. on the elliptical and she couldn’t leave without me.  I’m so sneaky.  Anyway . . . I was proud of her.  We then went back to my house where I made her a healthy breakfast and talked more about her plan.  She is doing good and really getting her head where it needs to be to tackle something like the serious weight loss that is ahead of her.

So funny experience on Saturday night, I knew that we were going to the Cheesecake Factory for two of my friends birthdays.  So I looked at the menu online, found the nutritional info and planned ahead.  Yay for me!!  Anyway, funny thing happened.  I got the appatizer that I had planned to eat for my dinner, decided to share half of it and could barly finish the half that I had remaining for myself.  So when everyone got their dessert after dinner I was so full I was not even tempted by the fabulous cheesecakes surrounding me.  It was great to feel like I was really the one in control.  The food did not control me, I controlled me!!  And on a side note it was a little gratifying for me to see this girl that was there that I really don’t like who was telling everyone about her diet consume 3500 calories, I know, I’m not a nice person, but it felt so good!!

I just got home . . . I was a little nervous walking in the door.  It is a smaller gym that has all the equipment and stuff, but nothing fancy (I kinda like that).  Anyway . . . went and changed my clothes and jumped on an elliptical machiene knowing that I love those.  Today would have been my cardio day at home were I would do about 45 min so I was hoping I could make it through 45 min on that.  I decided to interval train knowing that would be better for me.  Well I left it set at 60 min thinking that there was no way I could do that, but what the hay . . . may as well try.  Well folks, I did the whole 60 minutes plus a 5 min cool down.  Who would have thought I could do that!! I feel great, well my butt is sore, but that is not a bad thing.  And . . . I remembered Nancy’s advice from her blog awhile ago and I made sure my form was good and I kept a consistant pace the whole time and everything!!  I may have to keep this up.  Tomorrow is my weights day so we’ll see how that goes there.

I went home at lunch today, like I do a lot of days in the winter (it is so nice) and I packed myself a gym bag and put it in my truck.  I told myself I would try the gym today and I know that if I go home I may work out, but I won’t go to the gym.  Partially cause the gym scares me, partially cause I am lazy, and partially cause I feel guilty getting home from work, feeding the dog and then leaving again.  I am his only companion and hate teasing him like that.  I know they are not good reasons, but still . . . I know me and know what I would do.  Anyway, so I packed a bad with clothes, my ipod, and a book and a water bottle so I should be all set.  I’m a little nervous about this, not sure why, I used to go to the gym all the time, but still.  I will let ya’ll know how it goes.

I was talking to a co-worker of mine yesterday about my diet/exercise efforts and what all I was doing.  This is the only other person in my office who watches what he eats and trys to exercise every day which is why I am willing to talk to him about it.  Anyway, he suggested I try his gym, it is local and close to the office and not expensive and best yet, not trendy.  He went last night and picked me up a free one week guest membership so that I could try it out.

I have had a gym membership before and I liked it, I like the machines and all the free weights.  I don’t like the trendiness of a lot of gyms.  I am there to really work, and don’t like being surrounded by people who are there as though it is a singles bar.  It makes me very self concious and I end up not wanting to go.  But, it sounds like this one is different.

So, I think I am gonna give it a try.  My new week of my family challenge starts tomorrow.  So I think that I will go home tonight and do what I have been doing and then maybe start the guest membership tomorrow and see how I like it for the next week.  I’ll let ya’ll know if I end up joining.  Could be fun, I could start my couch to 5K program sooner which could be nice.  Hmm . . . lots to concider.

Do you ever feel like some days the people around you don’t really want you to better yourself?  I don’t think that it is intentional, but there are days when I think the people around me try to sabotage me.  One of my best girlfriends knows what I am doing and everytime we are together she brings sweets for me, or suggests a burger joint for dinner, or makes food I shouldn’t eat at her house.  She is a girl who works out everyday, but isn’t really skinny, but not really heavy either.  She runs marathons every year so she figures if she works out every day she can eat anything and she trys to tell me it is the same for me.  But some days I don’t think that she realizes that she is just trying to maintain her weight, I am trying to lose weight so I have to work out every day AND watch what I eat.  Uhg . . . she just doesn’t get it and it makes things tough.  Then you have the guy that I work with who exercises every day and watches what he eats very carefully but always brings sweets into work.  He brough in a pound cake today and walked into my office and put a slice on my desk.  If he leaves it in the kitchen I can avoid it, but I feel guilty if he hands it to me and I don’t eat it, I’d feel like I was offending him.  Ugh . . . I know I have a lot of support, but some days I just wish that the people around me could really just understand what I am trying to do and how hard it is.  Grrr . . . sorry to vent. 

And I don’t mean from the outside . . . so yesterday I saved up my points knowing that I was going to dinner with one of my girlfriends.  I had 19 points left which meant that I didn’t necessarily need to order off the diet menu, I figured I would let myself indulge a little bit.  So i ordered this yummy wrap that came with really good fries.  I knew what I was getting and I had saved up for it, so it was all good.  I knew I could eat this thing.  I was full 3/4 of the way through the wrap and 1/2 way through the fries.  There was no way I could eat the rest.  My girlfriend was a little surprised.  But I guess that this is what comes from consistently eating smaller portions and more often.  So I let the waiter take my plate away and when I got home a few hours later I still had two points left for my skinny cow.  It was awesome!!

Yesterday I blogged about having this huge urge to binge as a way to deal with my frustration.  Well I am pround to announce that I sucessfully resisted that urge and came home and worked out tons instead.  I felt much better.

I did pretty good at getting my workout in this morning and then going grocery shopping.  Then I had planned to come home and clean my house and to get in another workout.  Well so far I am slacking . . . I got a little distracted by the arrival of my new laptop.  I got home from the grocery store and there it was on my doorstep.  Two hours later I am still getting it all set up and moving files from one computer to another.  I could do this all night.  I’ll get off eventually I promise and fit in that additional workout, I  need to cause tomorrow is my rest day so I want to push it really hard today.

I can’t seem to help getting overly frustrated with people and things going on today.  I planned for it and ordered Jimmy John’s with the girls for lunch.  Minus the part where it took over an hour to get here so I was starving they sent me a small coke instead of the large diet coke that I ordered.  We called about the issues with our order and they said they couldn’t do anything . . . so now, combined with my pms, I am just angry.

Then I had to go to the bank where due to their mistake I haven’t had a debit card for almost three weeks.  Killing me by the way folks . . . they told me I have to wait till next Wednesday and if I still don’t have it they’ll cancel that order and hopefully be able to express me another one.  Gee thanks . . .

Ok, I know these are small things right . . . but today . . . I could just kill someone.  I found myself leaving the bank and thinking that I needed to stop by walgreens for some candy, I  just want to binge today and I haven’t had a binge day in a long time.  So far I have resisted that urge.  I came straight back here to the office and started writing this blog.  Hopefully in the next couple hours before I go home I can continue to resist and then go home and get my stress out with a good workout.

Ugh . . .