zilki

For me the negative part of this lifestlye change has been that my once huge and cute wardrobe has begun to dwindle.  Granted my 18’s were getting tight and most of my stuff looked better on me as a 16, but I still had a lot of cute stuff to wear.  About 6-8 weeks ago I realized that I could start wearing the size 14 stuff that I had held onto since college, but I only had a couple pairs of jeans and a pair of pants or two so I have been doing laundry a lot lately. 

 Yesterday I was rummeging through my closet trying to find a pair of pants to wear cause everything else was in the laundry so I put on the smallest size 16 jeans I had and holy smokes were they too big.  But I had to wear them cause I needed something.  So anyway, I had an hour or so to kill last night while I was waiting for my boyfriend.  So I ran into target to see if I could find some cute cheap jeans and despite TOM showing up decided to see how far away I was from a 12.  Well they fit!!  I am so excited!!  This is a size I haven’t worn since my freshman year of college :)  So now I have 2 pair!!

 I will try to get some new pics soon and get them posted.

So, I haven’t been on here as much lately cause something else has been taking up my time, i.e; a new boyfriend.  Now keep in mind I am not one to jump into relationships or let them move too fast, but this one is moving ahead like crazy and scaring the crap out of me, but he is a great guy so I am sticking with it.

Anyway, this guy has officially talked me into going home with him for Easter to meet his family.  Ok, maybe it is just me, but there is nothing more terrifying to me than having to meet a guy I am dating’s parents.  I don’t intimidate easily but this one intimidates me.

Well I have about a month before Easter and if I really work hard and push it I can hit my next mini-goal.  Which would be really nice cause as much as I will still have a long way left to go, I’ll be that much closer.  I don’t know, it is that self concious part of me that makes me think that his family would judge me based on my size even though he doesn’t.  Someday I may get over that, but for now it still just really scares me.  So I am just gonna work really hard this month and see how much progress I can make.

When I updated my weight tracker today I didn’t even realize that I had met my first mini-goal.  That was exciting!  Next came the challenge to figure out what I want my next mini-goal to be.  Before I was just looking to get good and out of the 200’s.  By the way ONEDERLAND is AWESOME!!  So, I finally decided that my next mini-goal will be 179lbs.  When I get to 179lbs, I will officially be overweight and no longer concidered obease.  I have always hated that word and hated it more because it was connected with me.  But at 179, my BMI will be 29.8 which gets me out of the obease range and makes me just overweight.  Of course my final goal will be to get in a healthy range, but one step at a time.

Please, no one get offended.  If you get offended easily stop reading now.  I tend to be very opionated and very blunt, so I am sorry if this is insensitive.

 I know I haven’t blogged a lot lately, but I still read a lot of them.  I read a lot about dissapointments with ourselves because we don’t stick to our plans.  We binge, we don’t do our workouts, all sorts of stuff.  I know how this feels cause I have used those excuses myself so many times.  And every time I did my diet failed.  I have been fighting this extra weight my entire life and not winning the fight.

 This time is different.  It is different because my mindset has changed.  Amazingly enough this is way more of a mental fight than a physical one.  This time I told myself that there are NO excuses that are really valid.  “One last time” isn’t acceptable.  I know I am accountable to my buddies here and the group challenges I am in, but the person that I am really accountable to is ME.  If I fail, the only person I am really letting down is myself.  And damnit, I am tired of letting myself down.  So this time, I REFUSE to accept excuses from myself.

I have a plan, it involves daily calorie allowances and excercise requirements.  I know I have not been totally perfect, but I also know the days that I have failed,I did it deliberatly.  I let something else control me, and that is just crap. 

As individuals we don’t have a lot of control in this world.  We can’t control global issues, the ecomony, or even life itself.  Life is always gonna throw us curve balls.  The questions is do we let those curve balls control us or do we decide how we are gonna react to them?  I propose, WE DECIDE.  The only thing in life that we really have control over is our actions.  We can’t always control our emotions, but we CAN control our actions.

 So folks . . . my advice to you today is to CUT THE CRAP!!  Take control of yourselves and your actions and make yourself accountable to YOU and then just DO IT!!  Sounds easier than it is, but it is doable.  I know, cause I have done it.  January was a perfect month for me, I never missed a workout and every day stayed within my daily points allowance.  I am not a person who has ever had much self dicipline, which means that anyone can do it.  Including you.  So just do it already!!

It has been forever since I blogged (and by forever I mean over a week)!  Anyway . . . sorry guys, I missed a lot of your blogs, I will do as much catching up as I can.  I have really missed reading all of them.

I have been super busy with work and my workouts . . . I’m doing great!  Loving the gym, this is my 4th week of going six days a week.  Who would have thought that I could do that with my schedule.  Anyway, I love it and I feel great.

This past week I hit what I concider a milestone.  I have now officially lost over 20lbs.  I have never been able to do that before.  Sure 10-15 is easy, but getting past there was always impossible, and this time I have!!  That means that I can really do this . . . I can really keep going and hit my final goal!!  I need to lose 1.4lbs this week to hit my Valentines Day goal, I am really hoping that I can do it, but won’t be too discouaged if I don’t.  I know I am doing good.

Anyway, I promise to be better checking in with all of you.  Have a great Wednesday!!

Today didn’t start off so wonderful, but it ended up being a good day.  I brought healthy snacks with me to work becaue I knew that I would be at my downtown office for a while this morning and they always have junk food around.  And I did pretty well, but I ended up there longer than I had planned so by the time I was leaving I was starving and the only place to stop that was on my way was McDonalds.  No thanks!!  I did find a granola bar in my purse and filled up my water bottle and that got me through till I got home and could have a healthy lunch.  It was sury yummy when I finally got to eat.

Then it was back to work for the rest of the afternoon.  This afternoon one of my co-workers and I were talking (he happens to be the one the got me going to his gym) and he asked me how much weight I had lost.  Kinda surprised me that he finally got curious enough to ask.  Anyway, I told him.  Felt good that he had really noticed.  Anyway . . . got done with work and went to the gym.  I was a little tired so the workout was a little rough, but I got through it.  Well my co-worker and I were talking a little more at the gym and he told me that right after I left the office he and our boss were talking and she had mentioned to him that it looked like I was losing weight.  He told her that I had and that I was working out everyday, etc.  Anyway, he had to come tell me and cheer me on a little.

Anyway, after the end of last week when I was feeling a little down, and today when I was a little tired; that made me feel good and made me realize that even though I don’t feel like it right now, I am progressing.  So . . . we’ll keep going :)  I’m feeling good

I spend ridiculous amounts of time on here every day reading blogs (sorry for all those that I don’t get to) and keeping up in my select forums and messaging back and forth with buddies and I just have to tell all of you that without this place I would be going  nuts.

Yesterday was my weigh-in day with my family.  I was down 1.5 lbs.  My sister posted results on our blog along with graphs of how we are all doing.  Well she did an individualbar graph to show where we are all at in relation to our final goals.  I have made the least amount of progress according to her charts.  And it killed me.  Granted, I know I lost my first 10lbs before my family thing started so I am really further along overall and the fist 10-15 are the easiest and I am working my way through a little platuea right now.  So I know I am doing well, but it just didn’t look that way which was a little depressing.  On the onther hand my family is doing awesome.  My little brother who is in college lost 22 lbs this month.  I don’t know how you lose 20 lbs as a guy in college, but he is doing it and I am so proud of him and the rest of them.

But I couldn’t help but feel a little disheartened yesterday.  I know I work out harder and more than any of them, I have been perfect with my points and calorie intake and I was just hoping that it would show more (my family is very competitive so I really hate being in last place with all of them).

But I logged onto here and felt so much better.  I know my 1.5lbs is good, especially where my work out routine is changing and I am building a lot of muscle ( I know cause I can feel it).  I just had to remind myself of all the times I contratulated people on their 1 lb losses and take my own advice.

So just a real quick thanks to all of you for keeping me sane.

Quick recap for those who don’t know what is going on with me with my weight loss goals, I started on my own at the begining of December, then while I was home with my family for Christmas my family (most of us are heavy) decided that we would do this together.  We would do weight watchers (cause it worked for my mom and dad before, they just have put some of the weight back on).  So we set up a family challenge, blog and all, we are keeping it private cause it makes it easier to share with eachother knowing the extended family isn’t looking in.  I am so proud of them, they are all doing so well and sticking to it, in fact I am the one who has lost the least amount of weight.  Granted I lost my first easy 10 in December and I weigh less than most of them, but still.

Anyway, I blog on here almost every day because it helps me, it keeps this goal on my mind at all times and keeps me from giving into temptation.  My family on the other hand not really the bogging type.  I am trying to work on that.  Anyway, I do a lot of dual blogs both on here and my family blog.  Well anyway, I posted a blog about my weekend on my family blog and got an email from my mom about it yesterday.  Once again, background info: my mom and her best friend have been walking and doing weight watchers together forever.  Her friend is an aerobics instructor and just a very motivational type of person.  Anyway, my mom shared with her a couple of blogs that I had posted that she really liked.  Well she sent me an email yesterday telling me that Diana (her friend) wanted to share these posts with her overweight daughters and an emotional eating support group that she attends.  She wanted to ask my persmission cause the blog wasn’t really meant to be shared in the first place.  I don’t care if she shares them, it is just my thoughts rambling on and if she thinks it will help other people great.

Anyway, what was really strange for me about this was for my mom and Diana to tell me that I was inspiring.  I have always looked at them and wished that I could do what they did, wish that I could stick to something like they did.  I wanted to be more like them.  Felt strange to have them say that to me, but it felt good.  I didn’t think that I could inspire people until I had lost real significant weight, I mean I have lost 19 lbs, but I still have 67 to go.  Still so far from my goal.  But I am realizing that it doesn’t matter if you have lost 1 lb or 100 your words and example can still inspire those around you to make themselves better.  So I am not just doing this for myself, I am doing it for everyone within my sphere of influance that could use some help.

Still though . . . my mom is my real inspiration . . . she is amazing.

Do I sound crazy yet?

For some reason I am extra excited about life today . . . don’t ask me why, not sure I can come up with a real answer.

Anyway, sorry I wasn’t around much this weekend, I have really missed reading all your blogs.  I did spend some time on here, but not as much as I would have liked.  It was a busy weekend for some reason.  But it was a productive weekend.

I got my friend that I am trying to work with to go to the gym with me on Saturday and I made her stay and do more than she had planned cause I had to do my 65 min. on the elliptical and she couldn’t leave without me.  I’m so sneaky.  Anyway . . . I was proud of her.  We then went back to my house where I made her a healthy breakfast and talked more about her plan.  She is doing good and really getting her head where it needs to be to tackle something like the serious weight loss that is ahead of her.

So funny experience on Saturday night, I knew that we were going to the Cheesecake Factory for two of my friends birthdays.  So I looked at the menu online, found the nutritional info and planned ahead.  Yay for me!!  Anyway, funny thing happened.  I got the appatizer that I had planned to eat for my dinner, decided to share half of it and could barly finish the half that I had remaining for myself.  So when everyone got their dessert after dinner I was so full I was not even tempted by the fabulous cheesecakes surrounding me.  It was great to feel like I was really the one in control.  The food did not control me, I controlled me!!  And on a side note it was a little gratifying for me to see this girl that was there that I really don’t like who was telling everyone about her diet consume 3500 calories, I know, I’m not a nice person, but it felt so good!!

I just got home . . . I was a little nervous walking in the door.  It is a smaller gym that has all the equipment and stuff, but nothing fancy (I kinda like that).  Anyway . . . went and changed my clothes and jumped on an elliptical machiene knowing that I love those.  Today would have been my cardio day at home were I would do about 45 min so I was hoping I could make it through 45 min on that.  I decided to interval train knowing that would be better for me.  Well I left it set at 60 min thinking that there was no way I could do that, but what the hay . . . may as well try.  Well folks, I did the whole 60 minutes plus a 5 min cool down.  Who would have thought I could do that!! I feel great, well my butt is sore, but that is not a bad thing.  And . . . I remembered Nancy’s advice from her blog awhile ago and I made sure my form was good and I kept a consistant pace the whole time and everything!!  I may have to keep this up.  Tomorrow is my weights day so we’ll see how that goes there.